Stay with me, let's just breathe

Phantom relationship pangs

When my granddad had the bottom part of his leg removed he used to talk about it still giving him pain despite it not being there anymore. I subsequently found out that this was due to something called, phantom pains. The brain still perceiving a part of the body was still wasn't there anymore when it wasn't and giving out pain signals. 
I have had something similar but allbeit in a more gentler way. Certain songs or certain scenarios, no matter how small or brief, have lately had the ability to instill in me phantom happiness. For instance, I was in a shopping mall the other day and outside, it being the season for it, there was a big stall of pumpkins. For carving and eating and all the sort of thing. As soon as I saw it I recalled when my former, during my absence rehearsing for a play, had carved a small pumpkin in readiness for Halloween and its subsequent visitors (trick or treaters) and from its scooped out innards and made a lovely soup too. Outside that stall on a rainy Sunday morning that memory had left me with a brief happy memory quickly followed by a sticky sadness that refused to leave until later in the day. 
They pop up now and again, these memories, fooling me for a nano-second or so that I'm still in a happy warm loving relationship. A phantom relationship.
Of course, now that's it's Autumn both my natural inclination to and illness driven sadness seem a lot more at home that it was whenever the sun was blazing. It also makes to harder to leave the house and get up from the safety of my duvet. But I guess that's another blog for another time.