It's chilly outside inside but cold inside

There have been a few warning signs these last couple of weeks. One of which is increased blogger writing, obviously, but also the usual. Over tired, sleeping deeply when napping, increased frustration over silly small stuff and that urge to just give up. 
Years ago before that first episode I used to like being ill, having a cold or flu because it meant I could rest up, go to bed, let go. I know now that those feelings were warning signs. 
I didn't realise it then but I do now. I had a dream when napping that had me rage and break my own stuff in it due to minor frustrations. That's either a warning of what could happen or me worrying about what could happen. Either way it has me concerned. 
My mum knows when I am bad and asked me outright, as she does but I couldn't even acknowledge it. When she says nice things to me it won't sink in. 
I can't have nice things when I'm bad. 
It's a worry and if it continues well then that worry will become something else.
I fear a return to what was.