Perform a U turn when possible

It's something I have mentioned innumerable times (well I could probably count them but I don't want to), and ti's what drives this here blog. Sadness. Blues. Black. Black dog, whatever you call it or want to call it at the moment, for me, it is near all pervasive.
At the moment I have a real yearning, a very strong one at that, for my wife. I'm watching AC Milan play and all the thoughts about the honeymoon to Italy have come back. Heck, we even went to the San Siro stadium together. She was always gracious in that regard, doing things she might not necessarily want or like to do. 
The biggest one is the memory and image of her. Her absence didn't trigger this current black but it sure has prolonged and compacted it. At the present time this stretch has now hit over twenty months. The longest one prior to that was ten months. Even with meds it's not looking like it's going to go anytime soon. But I digress...
Thinking about her and missing her is difficult to digest at the moment. This could be because I'm having an off day. I woke up late, feeling very tired and sluggish despite the over-sleeping and I still feel it now. This knocked my plans to run of course and now I'm getting uptight about thinking and feeling like a fat git. Experience tells me what I think and what I am are very different but still, mental problem(s) remain.I may know that I'm not but I still feel it. To paraphrase and well known saying, when ignorance is mutual hormones are king.
The feelings towards the x tend to stick around for a while and then dissipate but then do leave a residual smear that can last a long time. Apart from writing this, there isn't much I can do, not even looking at it with a rational eye so I let it hang around, occasionally gobbing off, reminding me of it presence. 
So then, last week I was numb. This week I'm numb, tired and yeh, still sad.
Back to Pink Floyd for me.