Fear of the dark

I had a very restless night. Sometimes I like the dark, the way it hides me but sometimes, times such as last night, I fear it. I fear it when my it's just me, the dark and my mind.
Last night in the dark my mind wouldn't stop throwing up the past and I couldn't resist either trying to answer them by replicating the past and coming up with different outcomes or allowing myself to become so embroiled up in it all that I quickly became angry and/or sad.
Sometimes I really do think that one day I will awake from all this and see her next to me and then tell her about the nightmare I'd had over breakfast like we used to most mornings.
But I suppose, in some ways, that's a dream within itself.

"But listen carefully to the sound,
of your loneliness like a heartbeat... drives you mad.
In the stillness of remembering what you had,
and what you lost."