Small Black Flowers that Grow in the Sky

It is now just over 4 years since the beginnings of this black and getting close now to 3 years since the beginnings of the divorce. I was thinking about that, the divorce, this morning. 
I was thinking about how I tend to enumerate most things and how especially regarding the divorce I am counting the years as they pass like a prisoner counting down the days and years but in reverse, knowing that there isn't anything to look forward to with regard to a release from all of this. Well, nothing definitive. There will be no 'closure' only peace.
How long this will take though, I have no idea. As much as I want it to fade away it won't. 
How can it? How can all those years, those memories, good times, bad times and all in-between just disappear like that? They served as a running stream of emotion that kept the relationship burning so I can't really expect it to just quickly fade from my memory box. 
No matter how much I might want it to in light of the divorce.
What makes it harder to push myself away from those times are the odd moments of intense separation that I feel for her, times where we went away together or just spent time together like say today, a simple Sunday. Maybe we'd have gone out for a walk together, maybe not. But we'd have been together and she'd be there. Earlier on I  was looking at a ski-ing holiday and that immediately reprised memories of our first holiday together which was also our first time ski-ing together. Seeing the advert for that holiday was a stark reminder that for now a trip away 'together' isn't happening.
When I was driving home a couple of weeks ago I had my usual pang of missing her when going through a route that we lived near and I remember consciously asking myself why I was missing her, why I was feeling this way considering how she left me and why she left me and I think it was or rather is because part of me deep deep down doesn't want to let the memory of her go because to do so would equal more hurt and would give in to the realisation that it truly is the end. 
Have I truly let her go and let my mind accept that it is over and that it is the end?

'I wonder what you're doing now, I hope you're feeling happy now'