Moving on but remembering the time

A couple of months back from another country and half a year since I last took meds. 
How do I feel after all of this? Ok actually. When I wake up now I still have that mild panic but it's not as oppressive as it used to be when in the middle of the black and being on meds. Waking up could be an exercise in itself sometimes as I probably mentioned on previous blogs entries and although it still has it's moments they do pass and I can get up. Eventually.
My motivation has lessened as work and various other things have failed to come through but I still try and get up. I try and busy myself with exercise and various courses online and I still want to learn another language even though it is really slow progress. It feels like I am at last moving on. Admittedly I still do have thoughts and yearnings about her. Mostly I think they are about the time and what we had, the shared existence and life but damn, they are intoxicating. If I think about them of too long well, it lowers the mood obviously but sometimes I can't help but briefly visit them either by accident, a song or photo blowing up the memory for me or that missing feeling that sometimes crops up bringing her and that time to the front of my mind. Compared to last year though, when I had my pre-V Day wobble it is much better, both in terms of her and the black within me. I still have anxiety about things, certainly new things but I have moved on and progressed and have some resilience now. It took time and it has left me with scars but my scars mean that I am still here and that is something. Certainly when I look back over to that blog entry from late 2012 it is. Progress may be slow but it is progress. I am moving forwards.
And as to her...

Forgetting you but not the time