This is a feeling I haven't had for a while. At least, not since last year and that was for something else. Though I suppose the feelings that come as a result are pretty similar. That feeling is one of being gutted. I feel totally gutted. I haven't had a feeling that close to this since that teacher I saw last year totally blanked me after getting to know each other and go out. Or as the kids call it these days, ghosting. That left me feeling bad and this recent news has done similar and then some. It was a job and though it started off with no much hope in mind by the middle of it I was pretty much there, relocated and doing the job. But now? Well, news came in that informed me that I didn't reach the required standard, whatever that means. I had some much hope tied up in that. So much so that I dared to dream. Ahh crap.
So far the summer has passed along nicely. Cricket, running, voluntary work and some sort of routine throughout the day, yeh. I have a half marathon to train and prepare for in Oct and a new job assessment coming up soon. Yet I still have little wobbles. I still yearn for the past a little and my nerves still threaten. But here I am. I'm still here and that has to count for something. I have to be mindful now and I do try and treat myself nicely and well and choose what I can and can't do. And if that means saying, no then so be it. The recovery has been long and slow but it is still ongoing. But I am still here.
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