I took a step outside but the wind forced me back. I did not resist.

Sad times. Chris Cornell, gone and the news of a former colleague also gone has left me wobbly. That and an illness working in sync made for a difficult week. Thankfully there was a bank holiday to rest in and the usual self care activities, or non in some cases, saw me at least relax somewhat.
Now, although I was resigned to this a couple of years back, that me having this illness will be a constant, the thought of it and when it actually hits me and the subsequent after-effects of it are still no easier to deal with. It makes me think about relationships, again and whether or not I can even be in one long term. It makes me think about my career prospects and employment future and whether or not, as my hours increase, my employer will be sympathetic to mental illness. So many questions, thoughts and fears. 
Of course, if my book took off then that would probably answer those questions as I would be my employer. 
Hmm, considering my issues with myself in the past that might not be a good thing.