Smudged Chrome

This has been a testing year. In my 45th year I can say that outside of that second great depression this year is a tricky one. Jobs I thought I was either perfect for or near guaranteed to get well, it wasn't the case for one reason or other. A relationship I thought was going to turn into a  relationship changed into nothing rapidly. My coaching has shrunk to voluntary roles and my University applications have turned into bugger all. I'm getting pains in my teeth, certain body parts and trouble with the water works. I'm also getting into that sack it all off as soon as I finish work type of mood as well. I try and make a change, make the change, force it, let it happen, all of the above but yet here I am still. The relationship thing is something I am getting used to, like this mental illness. More because I think it will be better that way in the long run. It will save me a lot of potential misery, I've enough of that, and heartache.
Still, hope always springs eternal whether I want it or not.
I also suspect autism, or rather me being on the autism spectrum. I have an assessment coming up next month. It could answer a lot of questions about me.