We have, or I have, been here before. Last year, late September. There is a video link there for a perfectly sums up my experience then and now by Stewart Lee regarding not dreaming, not getting what you want. Aside from that and going for a few hill sprints there isn't anything I can to do to get over this feeling. It feels a little bit like having burnt my tongue. Nothing will bring those taste buds back to life but time. But even then I think this feeling will linger some. I had too much hope. Before I had breezed through the process but this time before I had even started my nerves kicked in, expectation was high. All that anxiety brought on by... well, me. As per usual. And, although I tried, I could not escape it or settle down before I had started.
When I saw the email this morning with those all too familiar, you have not been successful at this time, words I wasn't surprised. I had failed. To use a running metaphor, I hadn't even made it beyond the qualifying race to the big event itself. Pathetic. The only upside is that, although I am hammering myself mentally and physically, I am resisting the big time sink into the ground option that would have been my go to when really in the deep black.
My experiences have taught me to know the difference between the two and I suppose that is something. Once, or when I eventually get over this, I am sure I will appreciate that more.