Once more with feeling please...

And so it begins again. Down in a hole. Frantically pulling ideas and plans out stacking them high like a mental game of Jenga only for it all to come tumbling down the next day as I hide away in my bed under the life-proof duvet.

This is getting too familiar. The sun is shining outside but its cold as due to the wind gusting and blowing. My brief gym run has now been cut short as I have neither the will, the energy nor the inclination to get up and go. Cups of tea, music and films are about as much as I can muster. Washing and basic stuff have either been forgotten or not bothered with. I can’t be arsed at all with any of it. I have a couple of trips planned next week and I’m already apprehensive about them, will  I make them, will  I want to make them, what if I have to cancel again?!

Confusion reigns with me, before sleep, during it and upon waking. I have no idea what my life is and whether I can either get myself into some sort of direction to proceed with it all. Ack, hate it because I know where this line of thinking will take me. 

Back there, back to seeing orange everywhere....