A very cold blue

It is a feeling I have long recognized but this time around it is a feeling that has come around due to circumstantial events rather than internal biological ones. That empty cold sickness deep in my gut. That hollow chilly fear. This time it's due to the passing of the family doggy. Seeing the way he broke done over the course of a week, his sight going, his movement too and the way he whined and cried through it oh it was horrible. And it hurt so to not being able to do anything to help him. He passed, thankfully for him, not long after these events. 
It was a stressful last few days. Doggies bring so much into your life but when they go the emptiness and the missing is acute, so very acute. The tail wagging and the licks when you come back home, the hugs and the pats, the nibbles of the ear when you get close to them and the slobbery kisses from them too missing them muchly now and I will even more so as the days go on. 
This month seems a lot colder right now.