Thursday, 19 December 2013

Tinsel and blinkey lights signify something?

So after the trip that I’d been planning and dreaming and hoping about and for, I've hit a bit of a black patch. A long stretch of black ice on my road trip of life. 
Bit of a laboured intro’ granted, but hey, it’s my bloody blog, all-right?!

The trip to the US was wonderful. All those decades of US flavoured pop culture had finally come to pass as I soaked up as much of the foods and drinks as I could. Not too much though as I am still paranoid about my weight and current stop start of exercise and training. I hate any sign of flab about my person, even the flab that isn't really flab and is just well, me.
But still, a house of pancakes? Yes please! A big bowl of ‘regular’ nachos?! Oh yes yes yes! 
A chocolate bar that makes much of its protein content? Go on then!
much of its protein content? Go on then!
During my trip, I also managed to keep taking my meds which was something I feared forgetting but thankfully, I didn't. The trip itself was an anti-depressant all on its own so if I had I needn’t have worried that much. However, all good things must reach their climax and so mine is and was no different.  Now I have a bit of rest to, sort of, look forward to. I say sort of because sometimes when I have no overall structure for a day I can become a little bit lost. Daft really, as I do have things to be getting on with, Uni’ work, clearing up my space, going to the gym, running, etc.
Thing is with Xmas looming large, I’m starting to get that fear instill itself in me. 
The one I had around the beginnings of the start of all of this, the fear that became manifest in losing a job, a marriage and well, a sense of hope I suppose. It crept in during an Xmas do this past week, near the end of the do as my mind began to weigh up, not the possibilities of a good 2014, more the worry of what was to come in 2014. 
Great way to end the year and an even better way to stat one. Deary me!
Xmas for the last few years has always been a bit fraught. Myself and the former wife used to argue bitterly around this time of year, usually on Xmas eve. It seemed to be a saving up of all the bitterness and pettiness that had infiltrated our minds over the course of the past year, ready to explode just prior to the day of festival and  giving. So lately, Xmas does render me somewhat cold and unwilling to indulge. 
The adverts especially make me shy away. The forced family togetherness and false sense of merry making with a hastily gathered crew of extras and walk-ons for a super market keen to show off, hey, we know family, come shop with us and buy into it as well.
But then, maybe I’m just jealous. Jealous of something that was taken from me. I should be in a family; wife, baby but no. Not anymore. It's gone, over before it had really even started.
So yeh, it is all so much humbug for me and if anything more of a reason than any other time of year to hide away. Stick on some films, catch up on TV, get some video game playing in, plug in some tunes and hope for the best.
Not very Xmassy I know but hey, with a blog called, Don’t Let me Get me, what were you expecting?
Still, in keeping with the theme of the month, have an Xmassy shot from my recent trip.

Happy Holidays dear readers!
Hope you both have a good one.

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