Saturday, 5 April 2014

I have failed...

Of all the days it has to come knock-knocking on my door.
An introduction day, one I had been looking forward to, and I was a no-show. 
I felt it last night, that cold raw feeling deep within me. It had started early. The voice of doubt wasn't long in speaking up and when it did I knew that the next day would be difficult if not impossible to get to. I don't know what made me feel worse, not going or the feeling that preceded me not going. And if that isn't enough, tomorrow I'm off to Wales for my week long practicals assessments for the ending of the first year of my University course. 
It couldn't have come at a worse time. Hmm, should be careful what I say there. I'm sure there will be other 'worse' moments to come. There has been before.
When it comes crashing down around me like this I feel so disrupted, it's like the past few weeks haven't happened and I'm right back to that bad day at the end of February, panicky, lost, fearful.
I have a presentation to construct too and I'm basing it around mental health. I'm trying to decide whether or not to include my own very personal experiences in it as well.
I'm so un-sure of everything right now and any glimpse towards my future or even a glance backwards to my past causes me such anxiety.

What am I going to do?

"Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time"
Green Day: Good Riddance (Time of your life)

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