Friday, 17 April 2015

I can see clearly now the rain has gone...

Every so often I have little moments of clarity. Despite me still missing my former I think now I am starting to see those missing moments for what they really are. Me missing the times and feelings garnered from those times spent together. I now longer have a partner to share good times with or do things with. Previously if I felt a bit down it wouldn't take long for that black wave to cover me. One thought would come and soon bring along a few more thoughts with it and so on until that was me ruined mood wise. Now I am starting to find little barriers against them. They are only small but that are something whereas before I had nothing. Earlier when I had that empty feeling in which space she used to live I started to try and think back to how she left me. The fact that, despite making a thing of the marriage vow about in sickness and in health, she me left when things got rough. She left me to my parents when at my worst. I need to remind myself and ask myself how can I seriously keep loving thoughts and feelings about someone who did that to me? Now, of course, I know the answer to that but previously it hasn't been that simple, what with those feelings, memories and the such like getting in the way of any clear thinking.
Granted, it isn't much and those empty feelings will still linger after football tomorrow but after the last few years it is progress, no matter how small.
This was the wonderful song I heard that first made me feel a little sad today. By the same token I also find it wonderfully calming too. 
It is a wonderful song about a wonderful painter.

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