Monday, 13 April 2015

Some day you will ache like I ache

Sometimes I wonder if she has or is going through similar to me. As the initiator of the divorce I tend to presume that she isn't but after our history together I do wonder. 
In fact, I started wondering after listening to the Hole song that the title inspired.
Is she going through all the missing and yearnings? The going over the perceived mistakes that could have led on to the split? Does she have the same sadness and emptiness that I get when driving past a place we used to travel through or to when we were together? The songs we both liked, do they instill instant sadness as my memory or the memory of our once good times together come to the front of her mind?
Does she have the dreams of us still together before she wakes up and realises that isn't her reality anymore? And if she does do they make her sad and want to return to what we had?
Or was the divorce enough to completely kill of all her feelings about me and us? Or is she fooling herself in trying to keep those feelings from even surfacing at all? Hoping that they'll stay buried and that the next relationship she has will keep them buried deep?
Does she ache at all? Whatever the answer I get no joy from it. I just wonder if she is the same girl that I loved or if her decision to leave me at my worst has changed her. It has certainly changed me.

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