Thursday, 28 April 2016
Moment to moment
The week prior to the 5th anniversary was a troublesome one with me doing the usual when it came to doing anything that required me to leave my room. Cancel everything and hide away. The post I made on Facebook was one that included the Green Day video I had posted on here before so in a way that was a step up because the usual was a certain song that me and her both liked and everytime I played it reminded me of her and our times together. My friend didn't get that as he focused more on the fact that I had posted about the wedding/divorce and told me I needed to get over it and drew a line through it already, which of course made me feel soooo great. It still hurts and some just don't understand that. It isn't as bad as it was and only pops up now and again, the anniversary being one of those pop ups but yeh, it still stings. I can't just cut out near seven years of times, love and memories because I want to or because others think that I should. I just can't. So all I'm left with it trying to move on gradually, step by step and moment to moment. The funniest thing, to me, of all this is a hankering to live back in that small town and house with fire that we sued to inhabit before the marriage, before the move and before all of this. I wanted to get back to where I am now, with her but blimey, what I wouldn't give to live in that time zone and place again. However brief that it might be. I am over it, just about, but now and again I do drift. I am, however, tethered to stop drifting away completely.