Monday, 21 November 2016

It rained and it rained but still he felt nothing

The rain is certainly coming down right now. Late at night it is kind of relaxing to me, especially if I don't have to wake up early the following morning. It is chilly and much darker in the late afternoon too. All the ingredients for the usual feelings of hiding away to hibernate. Over the summer as I mixed it in with my running I was starting to awaken a lot earlier to go to work and have carried it on since then. I like the earlier mornings as there are very few people around and it is  calmer. The only trouble is once I get back home and I have eaten breakfast I struggle to do things. I might exercise but that is about it. And then I get down on myself of not doing enough. Time used to be I would write or draw but the space for that and well, the ideas for those endeavors are low to none. I have writings to work on, again but after so much work on them before and them not getting anywhere it is hard to find the point to it all. The most I can do at the moment to fill that anxious void is to sort out my clothing. That's it. 
At the very least I have started reading more but inside it isn't enough. I feel like I am wasting this time away. But I don't what to do or what to really do about it. Couple all of this with my inner instinct hide away and when he weekend come now and I have nothing on I feel very happy indeed. I can't help but feel this will make things harder in the future when things do come up, future activities. And the less said about the upcoming festive season the better.
Will I ever give myself time off mentally? Or will I end up back to where I began with all of this, a grey numbness that almost broke me?

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