Wednesday, 11 September 2013

You know you just can't win...

It had started off badly but had slowly come good. Plans to gym it were shelved but I did manage to get out for a little hill run; I'd strained my calf muscle last week, and that went well. I then had to go out and meet a chap who was involved in the local MIND group and see if there were any groups I could join. All good. And then, whilst wandering through the centre I passed a bun shop. Nothing out of the ordinary there, maybe apart from me saying bun shop but it was not ordinary bun shop. It was one in which myself and her visited after a day in that town centre. Soon as I remembered it a domino effect of memories un-raveled in my mind. The Pizza house we went to prior to that and the five cheese pizza I'd eaten there which meant I could only have half a bun as I was so stuffed. This shot through my mind in nano seconds and as I wandered back to the car I felt myself becoming hollow, while conversely feeling heavy, as though the memories were hanging onto me and growing in number making my progress feel slovenly. It also felt as if someone had delivered a Street Fighter Ryu like punch to my spirit. By the time I'd got back to the car I felt drained. It had all turned around within a few minutes. 
Memories eh? Sometimes they can work against you.
Pink Floyd's 'Lost for Words', the tune and lyrics kept going over and over in my mind, particularly the boxer's ten count near the end. It felt as though I was having my own count-out.
Right now I'm wondering if I can make a performance spot that I have tomorrow. That suddenly feels like a big event now rather than the small spot that it is. I've suddenly become un-sure and un-confident when it comes to that now. Yet, it's something I do enjoy doing, even if it sometimes doesn't go the way I'd like it too.
So, tomorrow? If I wake up in the right way, then maybe.

No comments:

Post a Comment