Eventually waking up today I wanted to cancel everything, shut it all out and hide in bed. Again.
I missed out on the gym but did get out for a run and I liked it, mostly because it was dark, windy, snowy and then rainy. Odd isn't it? I can get out for a run in all weathers yet the thought of going out to a party, to play in certain team sports or to just get out and do whatever I need to do on that particular day can leave me hiding under the duvet.
My face and hands were numb from cold and my lips were too, snow melted to my lips, yet on I went. I think I know why as I've mentioned before.
Punishment. That's most of it.
If I can't self harm anymore then this is the next best thing.
George: Just be yourself, Yosser.
Yosser: What if you don't like yourself?
Boys from the Blackstuff