Monday, 6 July 2015

From despair to.... here?

Dreams of her smiling face prevailed this morning in my dreams. That was the only aspect of her in them and perhaps marks a possible shift from my usual head trips backwards. It's now mostly all memory with her, mostly good memory too. My reaction afterwards was, again, one of yearning for her, missing her but the debilitating feelings from before after such a dream were absent again. Not long after this I also had a nice dream involving starting a relationship with Charlotte Church. Now I've never known her or even met her but we got on well in the dream and well, it was nice and took me away from her for once :)
Now, although doing ok -I'm down to half a tablet every other day meds wise- I'm starting to feel a big sense of loneliness with regards to a lack of a relationship. That special someone you can hug, talk to about stuff, do stuff with, do other stuff with and just generally be with someone you really dig. That's been growing for the last few months and I suppose it's coming out in my dreams. This mornings' probably came about after me coming home from a coaching course and not having, initially her there but also a her there, so I it was on my mind. What I am coming to realise though is that when I do dream of her or when I do miss her the feelings are being fueled by memory now. That yearning or loss isn't acing up to what she did and how she left me which is something I am now reminding myself whenever those feelings get too strong.
At the moment I am progressing and I am progressing consistently with it.

'I try and walk in a straight line...'

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