Wednesday, 12 August 2015

That's it

That's it. That is, was my last half of Mirtazapine that I took Monday night. Over 3 and half years of meds from Citalapram, Escitalapram before finally settling on the Mirtz. I could tell the meds were practically out of my system as just taking that half left me feeling very lethargic the following morning. I wanted to be clear of them by the time I left for the US and so far so good. I have had the odd moments of anxiety in the morning but generally the side effects haven't been too harsh at all as I've come off them these past few months. 
Now, however, I'm worrying like my old self as I try and think ahead and think what I need to do with regards to my summer holiday job that I'm leaving for this week. Anxiety has always been a problem with me and more so whenever some sort of change enters my life. Like I've mentioned before I never seem to be able to enjoy experiences I always see them as obstacles to be overcome, especially with this anxiety that fuels everything. I don't know how to smooth it, even with all this experience of dealing with it behind me. I just tend to worry worry worry and then do it. I need to find another way, especially when it comes to calming myself down. That I have yet to really find. I'm hoping more experience will help and do what it sometimes does and desensitize me to future worries and anxieties. 
Time will tell. Again. 
But for now, I have a trip to get ready for.

"Brace yourself, cos this goes deep
I'll show you the secrets, the sky and the birds
Actions speak louder than words
Stand by me my apprentice
Be brave, clench fists...."

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