You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties

Sleep pattern is a bit odd right now. Oversleeping, up in the middle of the night (though am sure that’s about ten or eleven pm rather than the early hours which is what most people use that to refer too) and back to my old non-sleeping in the regular hours ways. Now I’m not sure if this is due to a break in my early New Year routine and is my go to default when things lose structure, it could be as the first time this hit, back in 2001/02 I found some odd solace in the insomnia/night owl existence and the same, sort of, goes for now. I usually do my best thinking then, sometimes too much thinking then and I like the solitude of it all, as if I’m the only one awake now and everyone else is fast asleep. Well, that’s what it feels like anyway, true or not. Right now though, I’m enjoying the aural comforts of the Manics. They have been my sonic comfort blanket for the past year now and whenever I feel the black approach or feel a bit anxious for no real reason they are as welcome and comforting as a cup of tea, enveloping me in their lyrical calm and warmth.

I used to this to even greater effect on Sat night after a bad experience at a party. Parties for me just don’t seem to work anymore, I find them awkward and kinda intimidating. For instance on the Sat night, although I did know a few there I couldn’t mix as well as I have done and did my best to try and play the, eat everything and drink as much as possible to cover up the nervous inner monologue in my head game. It reminded me a bit of the scene in, Skin Deep, a late 80’s film by Blake Edwards and starring the late great John Ritter. In it he arrives at a party in fancy-dress whilst all around him are in very smart attire. He then proceeds to drink whatever is free and available until he gets smashed. Which is what I tried but failed as I can only drink so much at the moment, as in not very much and as I mixed them that didn’t help my longevity either. So I had a little dance, a bit of a chatter and then mostly stayed in the corner looking out the window, wondering what to do. It was all too much like the school discos of yesteryear, me being too shy to approach and talk to the girls I liked and ask then to dance. Then of course I didn’t have booze so no excuse really eh? I did talk to the girl I liked, briefly, well shouted due to the blaring music but couldn’t get much of a feel for any connection and I didn’t get much of a chance for any more as she was off and dancing in a lil’ girl group. Not long after that a song played that me and my former used to dance around to and that signaled the end of my night. At home the booze blues hit and I fell asleep to the sounds of The Streets, original pirate material, MSP, lifeblood and Radiohead’s, ok computer. It was the only nice highlight for me that night. So, me and parties, not happening.

This past week was also the 2 for 1 anniversary of me and my former’s wedding/divorce. What did I do? Very little, opting for the protection and comfort of my duvet once again.

Which reminds me, recent dreams include a dragon and me eating two I-pods after being dipped in tea biscuit dunking style. Hmm.