Every post is exactly the same

So many plans, so many thoughts. All of them came to nil points.
My plan was to awake early, run, gym it and get things done. Things done? Sod all.
Sleeping done however, lots and lots. I just wanted to sleep and let the world disappear around me as I folded in on my own consciousnesses. It probably didn't help that lat night I felt odd and anxious, rereading my divorce paper didn't help. An odd dream/vision of crawling figures in black hoodies coming towards me added to the unease but didn't duly disturb me, (this is an odd side of me that is well, kinda odd. I rarely have nightmares and so am keen to experience them thinking they'll be more like personal horror films, none so far though) No, I'm not sure what it was but the usual happened, a lack of sleep and then an on/off sleep that stretched long into the next day. Everything ruined once more. 
You stupid stupid a**%$! I was too listless and apathetic to actually think that but it was there, my annoyance at myself. 
And round and round we go.
I'm getting in the habit of not eating a lot and kind of enjoying it. I know things aren't the best when I start munching on dry digestives. I've lost weight, all that work in the gym has now gone but for some reason I'm keen to emaciate myself. I guess this is another version of S.I. which is something else I've been thinking about, cutting away at my arms in a symmetrical pattern and letting myself bleed out.
Oh dear, how on earth did I get here?

What if all the world around you is an elaborate dream?