Sunday, 15 March 2015

Wise Wisdom

It won't be long until the anniversary of my wedding, now first and only wedding, which will also coincide with the anniversary of the split/divorce. When I was a little younger I used to think that going through marriages and the such like would offer one some sort of wisdom, give one a certain take on life and make you exude sagacious wiseness. Internally I also tend to think that this has given me some sort of life experience which will in turn present me as being wise and having some wisdom on certain life experiences. Which it has to a certain extent but really all it has done is turn my heart a little harder. Now when I say this I don't mean it is the hardest of hearts as hard as stone more like it has a brittle inner that is shielding a much softer inner. All that experience has given me is a fear of becoming close and intimate to someone again. I'm not as wise as I think I am.
Lately she has been on my mind but mostly I think it's the past and those good times and feelings from that time that are on my mind, whether I want to admit that or not. The urge to get in contact with her is strong. As is the urge to go back to a time when we were together living in that small town and all that came with it. how quickly would I go back to relive that period and all it's mistakes in an attempt to rectify them and perhaps change the future? 
All too readily, I'm afraid.
And what is the one thing that calms me down, from not only this but all that is entwined with this black of mine?
Facing the end is what.
Sitting on the edge.....

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